What’s Love got to do with it?

Fairly recently in my life, I have become aware that I walk around with a head full of negative thoughts about myself (and sometimes other people), and that in fact, not everyone lives this way.

To be honest, that was a bit of a shock to my system. To learn that some people walk around catching their negative self-talk and manage to let it go, even replace them with positive self-talk. Further more, some people have been practising this thought catching and replacing so much that they hardly have a negative thought in their head, at all!

I don’t know where you are at on the invisible scale of negative to positive self-head-talk (very technical term I’ve come up with), but wherever that may be, isn’t it an amazing, miraculous concept to know that it’s possible to change our experience in life (from negative to positive) and further still, learn how powerful our mind really is?! That just blows my mind!

I decided to get serious with myself, so I asked “What do I have to lose by giving up  my constant, self-deprecating, procrastinating, mind-chatter that holds me back and causes me pain? And why would I not want to lose that?”

I found myself humbled to a place where if I really choose to surrender everything I think I ‘know’ and have previously lived by, and completely allow this new way of being, thinking and participating in my life as a co-creator with the Universal energy that supports me, then I might have a chance, a real shot at living that life I have always, but only ever dreamed about.

A life and mind full of peace and joy where anxiety and judgement once sat.

That right there gives me hope and motivation, and it also gives me a point of reference to work with. Because it’s not just the realization that I have been living in a bubble of sorrow, self-doubt, shame, grief, fear, hopelessness and despair that is important. It’s what I do with the realization!

I have come to find it is a great fact that there is an endless supply of information and resources out there from people who have experienced both sides of the coin, and found effective ways to transform the patterns of their mind for good! 

I already know what my ego has to say about those other people and their success (in a mighty attempt to keep me living small). Little Miss Ego says “Yes, but I’m different, I’m lost, I can’t change, it’s too late, I’ve been too hurt by people to let go.”

I’m guessing that may be an average ego response. Maybe yours is less dramatic, maybe more. It doesn’t matter. I’m not actually different from you or anyone. I’m not special because of my wounds (though they are to be treated uniquely with compassion and care, as are yours). I’m simply a person who is familiar with my pain and not so familiar with my joy. And I am certain our world has far too many people like me. But you know what? I’m also recognising all the people who were once those people and now know their joy so much more deeply!

So, you know what Love has to do with it? Everything!

That’s the only way back to my true essence and our true essence as a whole collective conscious species. Self-Love and self-compassion, reconnecting to our innocence, our light, our laughter, and the ability to free ourselves from our own self-imposed shackles.

Here are a few tips that I have found helpful on how to start to catch the negative thoughts and replace them with positive, fun ones!

1. Listen to your emotions. Your emotions will indicate like a compass what direction you are headed mentally. When you feel irritated, sad, angry, hurt, nervous, worried, tired, tense, lost, lonely; notice those emotions in you and do your best to see what thoughts are running through your mind. Are you thinking about all the bills you haven’t paid yet and don’t know how you’ll pay? Are you thinking about how your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/family member/boss/man who cut you off in traffic/woman who was rude at the check out, offended you in some way and how hurt/mad/sad you feel? Notice how one thought leads to the next, and the next, and the next… it’s a never-ending cycle, unless you stop it.

2. Put your foot down! If you are alone (or just don’t care what others think!), do something physical and/or vocal to break the endless cycle and get out of your head. Scream, jump up and down, beat a pillow, start doing the macarena, make wild jibberish noises that scare your cat, sing, or pull a funny face! Then WRITE your thoughts down (or as soon as you can, take the time to recall the event that got you worked up and do this).

Writing them down (as many as you can catch) is a great way to get it out and a way to reflect back and find patterns of self-criticism, and outer environment (people, places, events) judgment too. These outer and inner judgments only distract us from what we really want to be doing and feeling (the fun stuff!). Although they seem to be the reason why we can’t do or feel what we want, they are not!  When our attention is constantly going back to the same event, person, emotion that we feel holds us back or keep us from being happy, we continue to create the same experiences over and over (like our thoughts). So…

3. Replace the negative/insecure thought with a positive/secure thought! Even if you don’t believe it yet! Here’s where your list of thoughts come in handy; see where there is a pattern. For example, you notice much of your thoughts consist of something like; “I’m in a financial rut, there’s no way out, every time I try to get ahead I fall back again, nothing I seem to do works”. (They are all separate thoughts but have fed each other when you started to think about your bills etc).

Now, write down the opposite! Something like; “I am financially free and abundant, there are always financial opportunities for me, I put myself out there and am successful, I am victorious in my efforts and talents”.

4. Keep working these steps. Get good at noticing your emotions, observing your thoughts, writing them down and replacing them with something far more uplifting!

Place the NEW thoughts everywhere in your home, car, work space, and speak them out loud as many times as you can each day. Soon you will believe them and they will start to show up in your daily life as a reality!

Yayyyy!

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