What’s Love got to do with it?

Fairly recently in my life, I have become aware that I walk around with a head full of negative thoughts about myself (and sometimes other people), and that in fact, not everyone lives this way.

To be honest, that was a bit of a shock to my system. To learn that some people walk around catching their negative self-talk and manage to let it go, even replace them with positive self-talk. Further more, some people have been practising this thought catching and replacing so much that they hardly have a negative thought in their head, at all!

I don’t know where you are at on the invisible scale of negative to positive self-head-talk (very technical term I’ve come up with), but wherever that may be, isn’t it an amazing, miraculous concept to know that it’s possible to change our experience in life (from negative to positive) and further still, learn how powerful our mind really is?! That just blows my mind!

I decided to get serious with myself, so I asked “What do I have to lose by giving up  my constant, self-deprecating, procrastinating, mind-chatter that holds me back and causes me pain? And why would I not want to lose that?”

I found myself humbled to a place where if I really choose to surrender everything I think I ‘know’ and have previously lived by, and completely allow this new way of being, thinking and participating in my life as a co-creator with the Universal energy that supports me, then I might have a chance, a real shot at living that life I have always, but only ever dreamed about.

A life and mind full of peace and joy where anxiety and judgement once sat.

That right there gives me hope and motivation, and it also gives me a point of reference to work with. Because it’s not just the realization that I have been living in a bubble of sorrow, self-doubt, shame, grief, fear, hopelessness and despair that is important. It’s what I do with the realization!

I have come to find it is a great fact that there is an endless supply of information and resources out there from people who have experienced both sides of the coin, and found effective ways to transform the patterns of their mind for good! 

I already know what my ego has to say about those other people and their success (in a mighty attempt to keep me living small). Little Miss Ego says “Yes, but I’m different, I’m lost, I can’t change, it’s too late, I’ve been too hurt by people to let go.”

I’m guessing that may be an average ego response. Maybe yours is less dramatic, maybe more. It doesn’t matter. I’m not actually different from you or anyone. I’m not special because of my wounds (though they are to be treated uniquely with compassion and care, as are yours). I’m simply a person who is familiar with my pain and not so familiar with my joy. And I am certain our world has far too many people like me. But you know what? I’m also recognising all the people who were once those people and now know their joy so much more deeply!

So, you know what Love has to do with it? Everything!

That’s the only way back to my true essence and our true essence as a whole collective conscious species. Self-Love and self-compassion, reconnecting to our innocence, our light, our laughter, and the ability to free ourselves from our own self-imposed shackles.

Here are a few tips that I have found helpful on how to start to catch the negative thoughts and replace them with positive, fun ones!

1. Listen to your emotions. Your emotions will indicate like a compass what direction you are headed mentally. When you feel irritated, sad, angry, hurt, nervous, worried, tired, tense, lost, lonely; notice those emotions in you and do your best to see what thoughts are running through your mind. Are you thinking about all the bills you haven’t paid yet and don’t know how you’ll pay? Are you thinking about how your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/family member/boss/man who cut you off in traffic/woman who was rude at the check out, offended you in some way and how hurt/mad/sad you feel? Notice how one thought leads to the next, and the next, and the next… it’s a never-ending cycle, unless you stop it.

2. Put your foot down! If you are alone (or just don’t care what others think!), do something physical and/or vocal to break the endless cycle and get out of your head. Scream, jump up and down, beat a pillow, start doing the macarena, make wild jibberish noises that scare your cat, sing, or pull a funny face! Then WRITE your thoughts down (or as soon as you can, take the time to recall the event that got you worked up and do this).

Writing them down (as many as you can catch) is a great way to get it out and a way to reflect back and find patterns of self-criticism, and outer environment (people, places, events) judgment too. These outer and inner judgments only distract us from what we really want to be doing and feeling (the fun stuff!). Although they seem to be the reason why we can’t do or feel what we want, they are not!  When our attention is constantly going back to the same event, person, emotion that we feel holds us back or keep us from being happy, we continue to create the same experiences over and over (like our thoughts). So…

3. Replace the negative/insecure thought with a positive/secure thought! Even if you don’t believe it yet! Here’s where your list of thoughts come in handy; see where there is a pattern. For example, you notice much of your thoughts consist of something like; “I’m in a financial rut, there’s no way out, every time I try to get ahead I fall back again, nothing I seem to do works”. (They are all separate thoughts but have fed each other when you started to think about your bills etc).

Now, write down the opposite! Something like; “I am financially free and abundant, there are always financial opportunities for me, I put myself out there and am successful, I am victorious in my efforts and talents”.

4. Keep working these steps. Get good at noticing your emotions, observing your thoughts, writing them down and replacing them with something far more uplifting!

Place the NEW thoughts everywhere in your home, car, work space, and speak them out loud as many times as you can each day. Soon you will believe them and they will start to show up in your daily life as a reality!

Yayyyy!

Advertisements

Kicking Fear Ninja Style (in the butt)!

Logically it would seem, one would always choose LOVE over FEAR, any day, right? So why, do I find myself choosing the scariest, anxiety-inducing, future-disaster-that-hasn’t-happened-yet, option? Am I even aware that I have options? Is it in my realm of past experiences to recall times in which things seem to be falling apart when in fact they were actually falling into place?

Well yes… in fact I can look back and see that to be true, and I can also even be grateful for all that I learned about myself in the process.

But how do I remind myself there’s another way when in the moment and fear seems to be overtaking my mind and emotions? I mean, really, what is this LOVE choice I keep hearing about? Can the real LOVE please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

The thing that keeps me so ‘illogical’ in my choosing Fear over Love, is that it feels so gosh darn familiar. The Fear choice triggers something in me that I have come to know too well, and have actually tolerated for so long that I forgot another way… or gasp, never really knew about.

Fear to me is like that old senile relative that once got me so wound up that I would have no way out of not hearing every word, snark, negative comment on the trivialities of everyday life. But now, I’m so tired of their complaining and predicting the next end of the world catastrophe and self-diagnosing their every symptom into a major dis-ease, ugh! Enough!

So instead I began to tune them out. Although I could still hear the shrill drone in my ears, it was less audible, less clear. I started to hear simple things like the clink of my fork hitting my plate. I felt my feet on the ground, and I heard the intimate beating of my own heart. I tasted the delicious food on my tongue, I heard the laughter, and saw the smiling faces that sorrounded me.

Grumpy old Fear was just a soft (slightly annoying) mumble, background noise, nothing to get me all worked up or alarmed about. I began to sense a calmness, a peace that was unfamilar yet mesmerising, a still quiet voice, whispering to my heart in such a tone my worries and concerns ceased to exist.

It took some serious listening, some asking questions, some discernment, some stillness and finally a big leap of faith—

HiiiiYA!

I heard Love call and so I kicked Fear, Ninja style in the butt!

Then I went to the park and played with butterflies and rainbows and ate cupcakes cause they taste like Love to me.

I’ll be on my guard, don’t you worry about that, no fear required… Love Ninja is here to kick some Fear in the butt as soon as it makes a peep! Love is badass yo!

Yes she Cannes!

A Feature Film I shot in South Africa in 2011 got it’s Premier in the Cannes Film Festival this year. I play the lead in the World War II epic, based on a true story of a young South African who volunteers for the RAF. I am the lead’s fiancée, Deborah Caldwell, a fiery woman of her time, a voice for the young men who lost their lives and the young women who were too often left alone, waiting and widowed.

I had met Chris Dos Santos, a young, motivated and highly skilled Writer/Director in LA one morning in 2010. I had woken up with a feeling, very direct and clear. “Get up, go to this Cafe (The Griddle in Hollywood) and you will meet someone for a film role.” A few hours later, outside the cafe after a much to big breakfast of stacked Pancakes, I met Chris. He was playing with his Canon 5D and we got talking about films and being foreigners to LA. We exchanged emails and shared reels online. Two months later he emailed me saying he wanted me to play the lead in his film and a few months after that I was flown to Johannesburg to shoot.

After taking it to the Film Market in Berlin, there was limited resources for this Independent Epic to bring any of the cast or crew to Cannes as well. A friend who also had a film in the market had set up her own fundraising campaign on a brilliant site called You Caring , it was different than some other fundraising sites as if you didn’t reach you exact goal, you still could use the money toward your cause. I only had one week to raise the finances to book a flight and get to the Festival before it was too late…

I pledged for $2000, $1700 for a return flight at that late a stage, and a few extra dollars to secure cheap accommodation and some food in my tummy! Exactly one week later I had $1700 in my account and another amount donated in Air miles! I booked the ticket and had 1 hour to pack and get to the airport!

I arrived one week ago today. The experience has been more than amazing. Unexpected, magical, blessed, supported by friends, family, strangers and the Divine!

If this is manifesting, I am truly excited to manifest! What does the next adventure bring?!

UK Model and Swimwear Designer, Kimberley Garner, and I at the Premier for Zulu in Cannes

UK Model and Swimwear Designer, Kimberley Garner, and I at the Premier for Zulu in Cannes

There’s something about Venice

I had visited Venice once before, two and a 1/2 years ago, my first time in Los Angeles… my first time on American soil in the USA. An Australian Actress, not too far out of Acting school, but far enough to know that Aussie TV auditions and chicken commercials were…just not enough. The Californian sun was out in Venice that first day, and the Broad-walk was crowded with shirtless tattooed rollerbladers, a ‘stripper’ dog, bearded Tarot readers and a cloud of herb smoke across the beach where a ‘drum circle’ ensures hippies and homeless can gather and dance… none of which is out of the ordinary for Venice.

I returned to Venice for the second time in December, 2012. I stepped out of the airport and made my way down to the famous crowded, character filled broadwalk. Ahhh, the sun, the warmth reaching through my clothes to glisten up my white winter skin. Living in Vancouver, Canada had given me more colds and coughs than I knew what to do with and this three week cough attack was suddenly not scratching at the back of my throat every 30 seconds! “Mmmm, I can breath” I thought, taking in the sound of the waves lapping against the sand and the volleyball being tossed back and forth between athletic hands.

I was in Venice, back in Los Angeles, for the first time, alone. And it felt right.

I took a nap in my hotel room that afternoon, a kind of exhaustion hit me and I felt strangely familiar with where I was at. I woke with the sun just going down and a child-like eagerness to attend my first Larry Moss class in the morning. After attempting to navigate my way to food in the evening sky, with the inhabitants of Venice beach-sleepers and vibrating base of beat-boxers on shoulders, I turned around and ordered Thai delivery from the comfort of my room. A man stood outside my window for quite some hours, I felt a whiff of compassion for him as he seemed to be waiting for someone who never showed. I guess it turns out there wasn’t much business to be made under the fluorescent light on Breeze Ave on a Sunday evening.

The sun rose and my alarm beeped! Monday morning, my first day of class! Larry Moss, a coach to the stars, was in town from New York for his final 4-day Intensive. I had applied late to ‘work’ (put up a scene) and so decided to fly down to audit instead.

I posted this on Facebook after day 1:

So yep, first day of acting coach Larry Moss’ 4 day intensive in LA… and I’m already an open wound…to put it bluntly. Why do I want to be an actor? To tell stories that mean something to me, to heal myself and the world through great stories! So why am I trying to get parts on shows that don’t tell these stories? To prove that I am an actor? Fuck it. I’m telling my own stories, the rest is a paycheck. Goodnight and good luck.”

Seemingly a little angst had risen in me by the end of that day. But a little angst can be good in inspiring and motivating change. It lights the fires we have not been tending to, it ignites of dreams we have long put out! And from there, I knew, Venice was calling me, Venice was a space for me to create the life I only dreamt of, Venice was my home.

Me at Venice Beach

Me at Venice Beach

Free Flying!

When I arrived back in Vancouver, the cold icy breeze on my face, the tip of my nose a little rosy red in the December Winter; I knew I was starting a slow, but also immediate Goodbye with the city. I had fallen in love with Vancouver. My first year settling there was anything but ‘settling’… I had lost my closest dearest friend in my life, a week into the move from Australia. And after returning just three weeks later from the funeral, it was a time of grieving and healing. Not the easiest time to make new friends and find work in a completely different country! But Vancouver was good to me. It’s cherry blossoms and squirrels, it’s snow-capped mountains surrounding the city, Stanley Park, full of ancient trees and as I hoped being the hippie that I am, full of fairy spirits willing and able to grant wishes.

I knew in two months, February 2013, I would say goodbye to Vancouver and see my new love, Venice, for good.

I was planning to buy a car and drive down to Los Angeles on a road trip with my boxes of belongings. I sat, foot on the brake and turned the keys to a Volvo. It was in good condition, beautiful really, though I had also test drove a cheap and as I’m told, always reliable Toyota Corolla a day before. The phone rang, a beautiful friend and fellow-Aussie Actress, Kristie was calling. I kept my foot on the break and letting the car idle I answered her call.

“Would you like to come on a work trip with me, all-expenses paid, including flight, hotel, dinners, to Mexico next week?”

“Ahhh… can I get my return flight direct to LA?”

“Sure!”

And so, just like that, out of the Universe, I had a free holiday to Mexico with an amazing friend, and a free flight to my new home! I could buy a less expensive car in California and not have to pay extra to import, PLUS I got to spend a week on holiday before my move! Perfect timing. I flew from Mexico to LA on the 26th February, the manifestation I had set in December had come to fruition!

Everything always works out when you ask for the best possible outcome for your dreams!

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico!

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico!